Saturday, March 8, 2014

Looking Forward

Well It has been a little over a year since Our daughter has been in contact with her birth parents. I must say it has not been a very rewarding experience.
One thing about learning of your birth parents is the back baggage they carry. It amazes me how much they hang on to the past. I realize that their live has been altered the moment the child is given up. Do not claim to understand the feelings they have for the months and years to follow. However  One would think that when the time comes to reunite, there would be a sense of achievement. When the child is in sound mind and a pretty good child. Caring ,thoughtful and does not carry a grudge against them.

Another thing I have a hard time understanding is Why is it that the feeling to drag the adopted child into their family saga, or in other-words;Now that she is there she is suppose to know everyones reason for doing things. Maybe it because she is so caring the considerate that folks think she is now their monarch.

The birth mother seems to be loving and caring and just wants a friendly friendship. Doesn't seem to drag her into things. However the rest of the family seems to want a different relationship.  Birth father seem to want to get info about the birth mother family, For some court thing.

I do not think it is a healthy relationship when some are causing what should be a joyous time to be a nightmare. Even if the BF did not want to give up the child, there should be a relief that the child turn out great. 

I am so glad we have a wonderful daughter and continue to support her in her life journeys. However this is a sad time for us. To see her caught up in these other families saga. Something I never wanted her to have to go through.

Friday, April 12, 2013

When the process comes full circle

We adopted a baby from a home for unwed mothers 19 years ago. One thing we decided to do was to tell the child of the adoption. Never wanting the child to think we lied to her. How much do we tell her depended on her age and the question as well as our knowledge.

Never thought the technology would be so advanced. Today it is so easy to find ones Birth Parents. Just go online and type in "Looking for birth Parents". There are so many sites and on one there might be a birth parent looking for their baby.

Yes this is the way it happened to us. Our Daughter was 18 and decided to look for them. On a site she found someone and they knew her given name and information that only the birth parent would know. The information started to follow between them.  Our daughter told us about the lady. She also had me check on some things, just  to make sure this was her.

 I called the Adoption agency to make sure this was indeed the lady. Once it was verified we began the process all arranging  a meeting. Our ideal time and my daughters did not match. So we compromised and choose a date and place.

The place was a neutral place. A city that was close enough for them to travel to. A time that would work out for all of us.  Because of her age we and the adopting agency did not feel it was a good idea to have her go by herself. We meet the birth mother and her family in January 2013. Yes it was hard for my husband and I. Wanted to be supportive but knowing that this would change our world as we knew it.

We talk with the birth Mother and got to know her family some. There was lots of tears and despair.
Now this is still hard on the family. Not only on mine but also on the Birth families. Our daughter meet her birth father last month. We were not with her, however her Birth Mother was. I stayed in contact with our daughter the whole time.

 I am creating this blog so that I can share my feeling  on this part of the journey. There really isn't any books on this end of the adoption process. It is so hard to go down this uncharted road. So many changes happening. Understanding ones view just might prepare another one for this side of the adoption journey.