2019 Update on Daughter: 6 years after the Meet and Greet.

It has been  awhile for me to adjust to the idea of my daughter having a relationship with the Birth Family. Still not comfortable with it. Even though she had assured me that I am still her Mother and always will be.  The emotional side of me is in torment.

Adoption was not an easy process in the 80's and 90's. We did not have a open one. I did agree to send pictures til the age of 2. After that no contact. The problem came when the Social media came in the picture. The child and birth parent had an easier time to skip the court and option agency request to find the child. The age of 18 to start went out the window.

As we know, because of our own lives. The teens are a rough time in our lives. It is a time of  Independence of the child. Usually nothing that  the parent can say will be accepted by the child. Most are Strong headed. So, in order to have some control we agreed to a meet and greet. That was a very bad mistake. We were told by some case workers not to do that. Being a case worker myself I knew it wasn't a good thing. However Teens tend to runaway to do the things they want. It can also destroy adoption parent relationships.

It has been  6 years since the first Meet and Greet. She is still in contact with them. What has changed is that I told her I didn't want to hear anything about them. Unless I asked. I did remove her from all social media as my friend. it was too much to see all the interactions between them. One thing I kept is the Private Messenger . I was fine with that. She wanted me to add her back as friend but I just can not. For me the stress is to high. Besides do we really want to know everything the adult child is doing? It is like being a parent of a small child again! No privacy for the adult child.

We talk every day and are creating a adult Mother Daughter relationship. I have accepted that she is an adult and not my  little girl anymore. We still have issues of course, However they are not any different than a  biological parent and  child. I had mine with my Mother. I did learn a lot from her ( my Mother). I am trying to help my daughter grow and mature into a great women.

We Love her very much. I would  not change anything we did for her.  This was a growing experience. If anyone says the adoption is  easy, It is not. There are things that you will go through that biological families will not. One should be prepared for them. I thought I was and found out I was not. Had to rethink my plan to handle it.

I think it will be Okay. Realize that there will always be another family involved with the child.

I did write some things is the previous posts. You should read them to understand  some of the events.

When the process comes full circle

We adopted a baby from a home for unwed mothers 19 years ago. One thing we decided to do was to tell the child of the adoption. Never wanting the child to think we lied to her. How much do we tell her depended on her age and the question as well as our knowledge.

Never thought the technology would be so advanced. Today it is so easy to find ones Birth Parents. Just go online and type in "Looking for birth Parents". There are so many sites and on one there might be a birth parent looking for their baby.

Yes this is the way it happened to us. Our Daughter was 18 and decided to look for them. On a site she found someone and they knew her given name and information that only the birth parent would know. The information started to follow between them.  Our daughter told us about the lady. She also had me check on some things, just  to make sure this was her.

 I called the Adoption agency to make sure this was indeed the lady. Once it was verified we began the process all arranging  a meeting. Our ideal time and my daughters did not match. So we compromised and choose a date and place.

The place was a neutral place. A city that was close enough for them to travel to. A time that would work out for all of us.  Because of her age we and the adopting agency did not feel it was a good idea to have her go by herself. We meet the birth mother and her family in January 2013. Yes it was hard for my husband and I. Wanted to be supportive but knowing that this would change our world as we knew it.

We talk with the birth Mother and got to know her family some. There was lots of tears and despair.
Now this is still hard on the family. Not only on mine but also on the Birth families. Our daughter meet her birth father last month. We were not with her, however her Birth Mother was. I stayed in contact with our daughter the whole time.

 I am creating this blog so that I can share my feeling  on this part of the journey. There really isn't any books on this end of the adoption process. It is so hard to go down this uncharted road. So many changes happening. Understanding ones view just might prepare another one for this side of the adoption journey.