It has been awhile for me to adjust to the idea of my daughter having a relationship with the Birth Family. Still not comfortable with it. Even though she had assured me that I am still her Mother and always will be. The emotional side of me is in torment.
Adoption was not an easy process in the 80's and 90's. We did not have a open one. I did agree to send pictures til the age of 2. After that no contact. The problem came when the Social media came in the picture. The child and birth parent had an easier time to skip the court and option agency request to find the child. The age of 18 to start went out the window.
As we know, because of our own lives. The teens are a rough time in our lives. It is a time of Independence of the child. Usually nothing that the parent can say will be accepted by the child. Most are Strong headed. So, in order to have some control we agreed to a meet and greet. That was a very bad mistake. We were told by some case workers not to do that. Being a case worker myself I knew it wasn't a good thing. However Teens tend to runaway to do the things they want. It can also destroy adoption parent relationships.
It has been 6 years since the first Meet and Greet. She is still in contact with them. What has changed is that I told her I didn't want to hear anything about them. Unless I asked. I did remove her from all social media as my friend. it was too much to see all the interactions between them. One thing I kept is the Private Messenger . I was fine with that. She wanted me to add her back as friend but I just can not. For me the stress is to high. Besides do we really want to know everything the adult child is doing? It is like being a parent of a small child again! No privacy for the adult child.
We talk every day and are creating a adult Mother Daughter relationship. I have accepted that she is an adult and not my little girl anymore. We still have issues of course, However they are not any different than a biological parent and child. I had mine with my Mother. I did learn a lot from her ( my Mother). I am trying to help my daughter grow and mature into a great women.
We Love her very much. I would not change anything we did for her. This was a growing experience. If anyone says the adoption is easy, It is not. There are things that you will go through that biological families will not. One should be prepared for them. I thought I was and found out I was not. Had to rethink my plan to handle it.
I think it will be Okay. Realize that there will always be another family involved with the child.
I did write some things is the previous posts. You should read them to understand some of the events.
